These eggs are not getting any fresher

So here is the thing, I was about to turn thirty.  You know how it is when you are about to turn the big 30, suddenly you figure that it is time to do a little introspection on your life, are you successful yet? Do you have a skin care routine? have you found a nice young man to settle down with? what about babies cause you are born with only so many eggs and you loose one every month so what if you wait and the fresh ones are all gone and you are left with the bad eggs? You know all the usual turning thirty stuff. In my case it was no on all accounts. 

I did not consider myself successful because my measure of success is being able to travel through Africa on a bus , did not have a skin routine as I have always had pretty great skin and so never bothered, on the young man, I had just blown away two perfectly good relationships to chase after something I knew at the back of my head would never work and my mother had grown tired of warning me about the dangers of getting pregnant after thirty. As far as the checklist went I had made a complete mess of my twenties but what fun I had doing that! 

So anyway here I was turning 30 with none a promising bae in sight, luckily for me , fortune came in the form of a work trip tp Johannesburg on the day of my 30th birthday, I had this promising young man in Joburg that I see from time to time, well to be honest I had never thought of him as promising but I was running out of time and he had 10 fingers and 10 toes, had a good enough job, was tall and dark (no amount of desperation will land me in the arms of a short man) and to be quite honest there wasn’t anything technically wrong with him so I figured why not give him a try. 

There was also option number two, technically not in Joburg but close enough and he had been threatening to make an honest woman out of me since I was in varsity but we never quite worked out because varsity me was hung up on his best friend whom I had dated prior, this was the same guy who used to tell me that his dream girlfriend was tall, dark and skinny! imagine me, all yellow boned, short and looking like the poster child for Macdonalds being told that , Oh wow. He later invited me to his graduation party then proceeded to have sex with someone else on top of my cardigan!! The best friend, not option number 2. Anyway that was almost ten years back and I had stopped trying to develop a cigarette habit  in the hopes that I miraculously became a size 0 and  wearing heels to seems taller than I am, by the way my cigarette habit lasted all of two days, they made me cough and I hated the smell. So here was his best friend, still single, hotter than he had been in varsity and perpetually in my DMs. Fine if you are wondering about what happened to the mean one, he started balding at 32 and that is all the karma I needed. 

You know me, I am nothing if not efficient so I sent them the same message “Hey, I will be in Johannesburg on a work trip and it is my birthday so make plans……”

They did not disappoint.

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