Pills and Portions

Ok, I have not always been the best girlfriend. There are things that looking back, I probably should have handled differently but I like to think all of my exes have fond memories of me. Case in point, the boy that I called after I sent that ill fated text. Out of all my exes, he was the one who had seen me at my worst but we still talked. We had moved into an actual friendship and mutual respect , friendship, friendship not a “we’ll pretend to be friends while I secretly try to get into your pants” type of friendship so I figured I should ask him for advice. I mean he already knew my particular brand of crazy so what did I have to loose!

The relationship between me and the man from whom I sought advice started well enough, we were compatible in so many ways, had the same sense of humour, watched the same shows and would spent hours discussing how the dystopian world of Game of Thrones could be compared to Lesotho’s current political landscape. Our mutual interests coupled with the fact that I am sometimes an incorrigible flirt soon led to what my friends like to refer as a “turbulent toxic affair”

Looking back I should not have gotten involved with him in that way, first of all he already had a long term girlfriend as well as an affinity for the white powder that is rumored to have once been an ingredient in the Coca-Cola of old. At the time I did not know about this though, the nose candy I mean. I had always known about the girlfriend, no matter, for all his faults he was intellectual and charming and was genuinely nice and we had a great relationship. Except on weekends when he would suddenly become this party loving person who disappeared and was all weird which frustrated me because I did not know why! Maybe in a different world, one where I had been less self involved and he , less self destructive we would have made a great match but this was years back so after months of me, expecting him to leave his girlfriend for me, and him saying he loved me but rebelling constantly against what I now realize was my incessant need to control him I completely lost it!

You know the old trope, a long suffering wife/girlfriend finally looses it and decides that violence is indeed the answer? Yep, that was me. I borrowed a cricket bat and went to town on him. What followed was destruction of property and mayhem that to this day still shocks everyone who knows me. I felt like I was justified, even right and was unapologetic. I do not know if I regret the events of that day. All I know is it was cathartic! He broke up with me the very next day as a result of me obviously being batshit crazy and honestly who can blame him ?

Anyway that was years ago , I was no longer a raving lunatic with control issues and he was no longer on anything stronger than beer and was the kind of man I always imagined he could become, turns out he had always been capable of greatness , even without me! What a blow to the ego that would have been to my younger self. I like to think we had both bloomed into the kind of people our younger selves would have been proud of and his was a friendship that though unexpected I could always count on for honesty laced with genuine concern for my well-being

Anyway it was from him that I sought sage advice on Soul Crushing Sunday and he thought I might have jumped the gun with suggesting the break up and thought I should give the boy with the espresso skin a chance to express himself. He also told me to should stop alienating people because I am scared of being vulnerable. So I did, I went back to text the object of my affections in a “vulnerable ” manner.

Technically the wise one has said to call not text but I am not that brave yet, small steps.

The boy with the espresso skin wasted no time in texting me back….

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