Miss unavailable and the ego of doom

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“Selfish ” ” Egotistical ” “spoiled ” ” self indulgent ” ” “emotionally unavailable ” afraid of commitment ” and the coup de grac’e ” Coward “!

Wait a damn minute! We are gathered with my friends at the spa to perform an autopsy on the cadaver that is my last relationship. Obviously I am expecting the usual “Men are trash” and they don’t deserve you but unbeknownst to me my friends have decided to go in a different route. Instead of sympathy I am getting an earful on why it’s my fault none of my relationships work out! Yhuu ha a! Where is the support.

Ok, fine. I will admit they are making some solid points but coward?! Hell No. I am nothing if not brave, infact I have ventured boldly where no one else would go!

“Well technically you don’t venture boldly into anything ” Itu says. ” what you do is run towards a more dangerous distraction to avoid dealing with your feelings ” she is obviously talking about the time we had an epic fight and I blocked her number and proceeded to skip the country in search of adventure and true love and then skipped back to the country when that true love became a little too true but I mean that was more than a year ago and I have blossomed into this mature confrontation facing person we have all grown to love!

Phanu is of the opinion that my current situation humanizes me and she couldn’t be happier. All in all everyone agrees that this is the best thing to happen to me although I am convinced they have all lost their minds. Gold is convinced I am not heartbroken, just riding the wave of drama , my sister thinks I am just mad I lost my shiny new toy before I got a newer shinier toy.

I don’t know if they are right, I will admit to having a wandering eye but what if I just have a lot of love to give? Besides what I really am is a hopeless romantic. I really do want a knight in shining armour . Ok fine, I will settle for a CEO in shining Armani. He is supposed to slay my dragon and we can ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.

Later on when I’m alone I begin to think, the common denominator in all my failed romances is me! What if I wasn’t the princess of this particular story. What if I was the evil stepmom or the dragon that needed to be slayed in order for the day to be saved and what if *gasp* no prince was coming?! Could it be that I, the princess was supposed to save myself from my own issues for my happily ever after.

So I pulled out all the corpses of my failed romances and tried to find out if they really had died of natural causes or I just poisoned them. From dumping a man because he chewed too loudly, not showing up to my own wedding, changing my cellphone number, and literally always picking the most unavailable person, either because they are already committed elsewhere or live in a different continent I was literally sabotaging myself at every turn.

Even my latest choice, my friends tell me was the most self sabotaging choice out of the three. I could have picked the well adjusted, ready to settle down Dr Bae but I went with the one that was least likely to work and continued to sabotage it from all ends! I guess they were right. In hindsight I should have gone with Dr Bae but I was young and naive then ( less than a month ago)

The only question was, what to do now?!

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